The Da Vinci Load Review

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The Da Vinci LoadPZP Productions
Director: Peter Zaragoza
Reviewed by: J Klink
6/11/2006 comments link

The Da Vinci Load begins with a full moon at the Roman Coliseum, soundtracked with endless monk-chanting that is somewhat atypical for gay porn. A scruffy young man named Luigi (Sean Brennan) is holding a scroll. "Here it is, sir!" he says to a gentleman off camera — who prompty kills him.

Next a Dom DeLuise-lookalike (Gabriel DuBois) comes on and begins explaining a "baffling cipher" (i.e. a scroll) and talking about how the scroll must be stained with the semen of the descendants of Leonardo Da Vinci and other people, which will allow him to decipher some "astonishing truth concealed for centuries."

After about ten minutes of humorous yet over-the-top exposition of the movie's intricate plot, the picture finally welcomes Jarett Fox, the blond twink with the twinkle in his eye. Jarett is sitting in "the cheapest youth hostel in Europe" reading a book with his shirt off when Jayden Holloway arrives.

"This sleeping bag is my bed?!" Jayden exclaims scornfully. Yep. And not only that, it happens to be only inches from Jarett's. Funny how that works.

Jayden falls asleep from the pure exhaustion of trekking across Europe, and slender Jarett begins stroking his own very-ample cock. Jarett pulls the blanket off sleeping Jayden and begins suckling him through his tight 2Xist underwear, which he shortly rips off with his teeth. Jayden is a very sound sleeper, but soon awakens.

"What the fuck are you doing? I'm not queer!" Jayden says. "Don't worry, neither am I," Jarett counters. Jarett proceeds to make love to Jayden's dick with his mouth, both boys clearly enjoying it quite a bit.

As may be obvious from the cover of The Da Vinci Load (and the fact that PZP productions will be featuring Jarett in at least one upcoming movie) Jarett Fox is quite a find. He has a cute face, a slim, sexy body, and a great, thick dick. He also happens to be a pretty good actor. Jarett proceeds to fuck Jayden, who, we learn from watching the outtakes, is quite sore the next day.

Next we move to a classroom with "Detention" scrawled on the blackboard, where "Leo" (Sebastian Young) a "straight, straight da Vinci descendant" — who therefore has the "purest semen," according to our narrator — pouts alongside a slender classmate from Brazil.

The Brazilian — very cute, pale-skinned, and with too much gel in his hair, which is actually hot — complains that he's "18 years old, too old to be in detention."

"Well, I'm nineteen," says cover boy Sebastian.

"Yeah, but you've been left back twice, in ten years you'll still be a senior."

Sebastian responds, "Fuck you, you immigrant faggot! Why don't you suck my ass."

"Okay," says the Brazilian.

And he does. Sebastian has an amazingly smooth bubble ass, and both boys have very hot, half-finished tattoos all over their bodies. Sebastian is very verbal, and talks about how good it feels to get his ass eaten, and how much he likes it. The two guys are a good pairing, with Sebastian more muscular and with a nice bubble butt, and his Brazilian, uncut counterpart slender and masculine. Both are very smooth, and proceed to seek The Da Vinci Load by eagerly sucking each other. Soon they are on tile floor sucking each others' cocks and eating each others' asses several different ways.

Next up Jarett Fox and a companion, "Jimmy" (Shane Stone) are seeing an obese Psychologist draped in mysterious monk-like rags. They have several problems, the first being that Jarett is in love with Shane, even though he is straight. This is solved by the Psychologist telling Jarett that he is "head over heels in love with Jimmy. Why label yourself?" Why, indeed!

The second problem is that the two do not know how to have gay sex. The Psychologist is able to help in this area by having the boys take their clothes off, positioning them, telling Jimmy to suck Jarett's cock, "and the rest will come naturally."

The two boys first suck one another, then explore a little ass-eating and mutual masturbation. They figure out how to sixty-nine by lying down on a couch. And in a leap of insight, they figure out how to stick Jarett's very thick cock into Shane's ass, which he clearly enjoys. This is probably the best scene so far, as Shane is in the throes of trying to take a cock that is a little bit too big for him, but is obviously enjoying the experience. The expression on his face says it all.

Next up, Sebastian has to ejaculate in the face of a young descendant of Boticelli to activate the Prophecy. (Or something.) Sebastian and a companion drive up to the home of the Boticelli descendent, who is doing his homework. The Descendant is a good-looking (and a tad feminine) dark-haired twink who looks like the missing brother from Growing Up Gotti. (Which I suppose makes sense, since this is all taking place in Italy, even if these "Italians" look a little more like the New Jersey variety than the Italy variety.)

A third Guido in a wife-beater soon shows up, and as part of the Prophecy, he too must cum in the Botticelli descendant's face, and his cum must mingle with Sebastian's. Eventually, after some sucking, ass-licking, and other maneuvers, this step in the Propechy is fulfilled. In one particularly hot moment, Sebastian fucks the twink standing up, the twink's legs over his shoulders. The Descendant is so light and skinny, it doesn't take Sebastian much effort at all to hold him aloft.

In the next scene, clever Caligula (aka Jarett Fox) seduces a young gay virgin who is studying with him in his room. The virgin is shy for a porn star, but he makes up for it in rough-edged cuteness. We are treated to some particularly good shots of Jarett's fat cock getting sucked by the faux-hawked, pencil-moustached young stud. And when it's time for Jarett to fuck him, the "virgin" can't get enough, continually commanding, "Harder! Harder!" He's a very cute guy and the scene is a hot one. The best part is probably when he sits on Jarett's dick and pumps his own cock like a madman in ecstasy.

For reasons I have mostly left out, The Da Vinci Load is probably the goofiest movie of the year, but it's always fun. Most of the scenes contain voiceover segments by the mysterious monk Gabriel DuBois, who sneaks in after the boys go to sleep (or when they are in the shower, etc.) and collects semen samples with a hypodermic syringe and places them a goblet.

And the ending — well, I cannot even describe it, except that it takes place in Gabriel's laboratory and involves Gabriel DuBois, two of the lead models from the film (wearing Paris Hilton-style sunglasses), a shootout with antique pistols — and a call from Vice President Dick Cheney.

When you rent The Da Vinci Load, be sure to watch the Outtakes. I don't believe I've ever seen models (and the director) have so much fun on a porn set.

Starring: Jarett Fox, Shane Stone, Sean Wade, Gabriel Cortez, Taz, Dani Jo, Gabriel DuBois, Sean Brennan, Jayden Holloway, Sebastian Young.

DVD Features: Chapters, Slide Show, Outtakes.

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