Skaterboy Review

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Director: Max Lincoln
Reviewed by: Patrik Fox
4/9/2005 comments link

Skaterboy is a brilliant concept for porno, let's get that straight before I tell you anything else. As soon as I heard about the movie (and saw the cover!), I jumped at the chance to review this pop-culture-savvy confection from the U.K.'s Eurocreme studios (distributed by Hot House).

The film starts off with a beat-heavy, rock n' roll instrumental as we watch Spike (Eurocreme's James Alexander) romp around his bedroom like the libidinous teenager he is.

James takes off his shirt, performs a few push-ups on the end of his bed, and shifts into relax mode shortly before engaging himself in the smooth jerkoff session we all knew was coming. He massages his uncut manhood, eyes closed, exhaling heavily. Close-up shots highligh James' navel piercing, and slow-motion filming technique is used in all the right places. The chain around James' neck adds a rough and stylish touch, as he climaxes spread-eagle atop his red comforter.

Suddenly, a cockney British narration kicks in. Very hot. Spike, skateboard in tow, travels to meet up with his longtime best mate, Fuzz (the adorable Darian Hawke from Beachboy), in the usual place. The surroundings are dreary and entirely British. The two young bounders are cornered by a scowling bully played by sexy, grimacing by Reece Richards (Beachboy). The homophobic skater threatens to pulverize them in an approaching competition abroad — "See you in Amsterdam," he sneers in husky drawl, "queer boys!" — and the two mates seem freaked out that this jerk may in fact pulverize them.

Reece Richards gets busy on Brace Levitt
Hot House)

Spike tells us that Fuzz is often prone to do stupid things, illustrated by his decision to shoplift some badass underwear from the local equivalent of All American Boy. As soon as the alarm sounds, it's the isolated backroom for these ruffians where they are greeted by the cashier, Sherman Ash, and a strikingly handsome, blonde, and tall security guard (charismatic Ben Taylor).

Obviously, a full body cavity search is in order! The dumbfounded skater boys stand like lambs before the slaughter, and tension knots the stomach as the boys' impressive bulges become visible beneath their thin undershorts during the officer's evaluation.

Without any hesitation and with startling efficiency, the police officer snags the shorts off Fuzz, and Hawke's enormous cock is shocking! It bobs up and down from the removal of the elastic and one can't help but to stare at the tremendous erection shooting out of his thin, muscular frame. It's jaw-dropping. Ben can't keep his hands off of the two shoplifters — who could? — and promptly begins to suck them off as if ordered to. He instructs the shopkeep to join him, and the boy jumps into the mix faster than you can scribble, "Back in 5" on a piece of binder paper.

Soon the cop's shirt is off, and he turns them over one at a time, lining them up for his search and seizure. He removes his own trousers and the three boys leap to their knees, eager to devour his impressive and girthy manhood all at once. Darian Hawke takes his own special turn, exercising some very skilled deep-throating. The cop proceeds to fuck them each consecutively, and his sculpted, large-shouldered and small-waisted pale frame becomes the sexy focal point of the scene. (Now that's what I call "pressing charges!")

As Darian bends the shopkeeper over onto his elbows, Hawke's Fuzz decides to "fuck authority" by ramming the cop with his gargantuan nightstick, turning the session into a three-way, double fuck. The policeman is in both agony and ecstasy as he experiences both screwing and being screwed in glorious synchronicity.

The sexy and creative camera angles highlight the tremendous cock size of all involved, juxtaposed with their nubile skinny figures. Eurocreme certainly does a tremendous casting job; you won't find players this hot anywhere else. The four of them cum with excess, and the scene concludes with a tip of the police hat. Spike explains, "It seemed like they weren't going to press charges, so we made our train."

Once in Amsterdam, the two pals quickly make a new friend, Erwin Van den Broek, who entertains them in his stylish flat by engaging them in a sensual and tender threesome. The scene is quite sultry, and a distinct departure from rough street life the boys have lived thus far. The young local indulgently takes the two beautiful pieces of throbbing anatomy at both ends, and then finally they double-fuck him from behind! It's bodacious to say the least.

James Alexander, Darian Hawke, & Erwin Van den Broek
Hot House)

But it's not long before the two traveling companions take to the streets in order to experience all the culture that Amsterdam has to offer. While smoking pot in a café, the two lads take a liking to the boy behind the counter (Aaron Jones as "JJ"), who immediately seeks to impress them by showing off his spacious loft. He introduces them to his astonishingly gorgeous housemate, Roadkill (Brace Levitt), and as libidos race faster than Tony Hawk on a half-pipe, the boys pair off. (As an aside, how awesome a name is Roadkill? It kinda makes you want to change your name to that and start a punk band.)

It's only after much impassioned blowing and sucking that the true athletics begin in this scene, which offers sex of every variety, shot from every camera angle, between the four skinny Euro-twinks with their enormous cocks, until a four-piece human puzzle is formed (choreography that would make Paula Abdul proud).

I don't want to spoil what is undoubtedly the coolest part of the movie, but I'll just tell you that a skateboard is used VERY creatively, doing more than justice to the concept of "Skaterboy."

Soon it's time to hit up the local nightspots, where Fuzz and our narrator encounter two handsome, Italian bar boys (Stefan Anderson and Christian Aster). Championing Amsterdam's highly liberal culture, director Max Lincoln shows us some of the most banging bar sex you could ever imagine, as these young studs switch off riding one another like skate ramps. I'm beginning to think that the endurance of these two Brits is almost otherworldly.

When they head back to JJ and Roadkill's squat, the plot's major arc occurs: They arrive back to walk in on Roadkill and their skating nemesis, Reece Richards, screwing atop a cardboard box! They've certainly figured out the Achilles heel of this competitor. Brace Levitt's statuesque, supple features make it simple to understand why homophobic bully Reece would so quickly jump into bed with him (or, that is, onto a cardboard box). That face could turn any straight man gay.

"Oy!" cry the voyeuristic saboteurs, and Hawke gets so embarrassed that he breaks Spike's board. Wicked lame.

Finally, in beautiful episodic fashion, Lincoln has his two sexy skater boys realize that, after all of their hectic adventures, they are more than just friends, adding a romantic and satisfying ending to this epic and radically awesome porno, filled with enough cockney accents and uncut cocks to make any admirer of youth subculture come back, again and again for more.

Starring: James Alexander, Darian Hawke, Reece Richards, Sherman Ash, Ben Taylor, Erwin Van den Broek, Aaron Jones, Brace Levitt, Stefan Andersen, and Christian Aster.

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