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Director: Michael Lucas
Reviewed by: J Klink
4/11/2007 comments link
I am slightly handicapped as a reviewer because I have never seen the original La Dolce Vita. Doesn't Shirley MacLaine play a hooker in that or something?
Anyway, Michael Lucas' La Dolce Vita opens with mainstream-film-quality panoramic views of Manhattan at night over the credits. Drag performer Kevin Aviance is performing a new song at a Jack Bond fashion show, attended by New York glitterati like Amanda Lepore and Michael Musto (who writes La Dolce Musto for The Village Voice—coincidence?) The models are heavy on accessories but light on clothes, so your eyes may be forgiven for wandering to their 8-pack stomachs and muscled asses.
During the show, an unknown cutie pushes huge-dicked Ben Andrews into a shoe closet and begins sucking him. Both guys look really hot in dress shirts, blazers, and askew ties. Unfortunately, they are interrupted after only moments by a call for Ben the runway. Michael Lucas and good buddy Spencer Quest watch approvingly from the audience as model after male model struts down the runway. The clothes budget for this movie have been something like the GDP of Luxembourg.
Next comes my favorite part—cocktails! (No, there hasn't been any sex yet.)
Michael Lucas plays writer Max Todd (recent book: Tropic of Nowhere) who attends celebrity-studded events in New York to find material and publicize his work. Jason Ridge is a young, rich playboy who's grown a bit jaded and needs some excitement in his life.
Jack Bond soon disappears from his own party to corner security agent Wilson Vasquez in a dank corridor adjacent to the event. "In order to keep your job, I think you're going to have to learn to compromise a little," says Bond to the resistant Vasquez. Looking at Wilson's dick: "Not so little!" While Bond is not to my taste physically, the setup is sexy, and Wilson Vasquez is as hot as ever with his ripped body, mammoth uncut brown cock, and cute new haircut. Like the other players, he wears a designer suit and a beautiful silk tie I was craving throughout the scene. Wilson even talks dirty, like any good security agent should: "Suck that fuckin' shit!"
J. Bond turns out to be very built when his clothes come off, and Wilson gives him a hard and sweaty fucking in the dim hall. Wilson looks a bit lost or confused at times, or maybe he's just in character.
Next, strawberry-blond Pete Ross, who is getting buffer by the day, brings his small Latino boyfriend, Jonathan Vargas, home for a fuck. Pete Ross' thick arms and V-shaped body are delectable, and Vargas is super cute, looking a little starstruck among all the porn luminaries in this film. He gives Ross a lengthy sucking before Ross goes down on his quite fat, uncut dick while staring in his eyes. Soon Ross begins to munch on Vargas' ultra-smooth bubble ass, and you'll wish you were him. (I did.) Which one is up to you. Pete winds up on the bottom in this scene, and Vargas fucks with a lot of style. His ripped torso is nice to look at as well. He ends up jacking off in Pete's face, while Pete yanks himself to completion.
Meanwhile, in their limo, Michael and Jason pull over to offer a sexy stranger (Derrick Hanson) a ride to his home in Brooklyn. By coincidence, it turns out Derrick was one of the models at the J. Bond fashion show! It's deja vu all over again.
The three go to Derrick's bizarrely-decorated pad over in Brooklyn, where they toke up on marijuana (DRUGS!) before having sex. Derrick and Jason begin making out and it appears that real sparks fly. As Derrick begins to suck Jason's cock, Michael comes over to join them, pulling Jason toward his face for more sucking face. Michael's got the biggest dick of the bunch, so when he whips it out, Jason eagerly sucks. Soon both the boys give Michael a dual-blowjob that had me salivating, and Michael's dick was nowhere near my mouth.
One interesting position the three get into: Derrick sucks Jason's dick from beneath, while Jason holds himself up on his arms, sticking his ass out so Michael can eat it. But what Derrick seems to enjoy most is when Michael Lucas sticks his big dick into Derrick, holds his legs back and fucks him. Good times.
After many more permutations of fucking, it is morning. Cole Ryan, Lucas' on-screen boyfriend, is waking up in an empty bed. Michael returns and a shrill argument occurs; Michael makes the excuse that he stayed out all night at parties. Cole says Michael should be working on his next book, not hobnobbing all night—if that is indeed what he is doing.
"You have the talent," Cole shouts, "you're just lazy! I've managed to stay productive even with a job, you haven't! You've given up!"
Has he? We shall soon find out in Part 2. Cole storms off in a "Stiff" t-shirt, filling it out rather well.
La Dolce Vita, Part 2. The movie opens with straight porn stars Savanna Samson and Ray Star being interviewed—in their bathrobes—by a pack of eager journalists. Something about teaming up in a movie and possibly getting married? Anyway, Michael Lucas is too cool to join the frenzy, and instead lurks near the back on his cell phone. He is doing an article on the two lovebirds, and will have a private interview when this cattle call is through.
In a scene that will have shopping fetishists squealing with delight, Michael, Ray, and Savanna go on a shopping trip on whatever New York's version of Rodeo Drive is. They hit all the hot stores—Marc Jacobs, and on and on, piling up purchases for the poor, overwhelmed clerks. And because they are celebrities, when they eat lunch at a restaurant, of course it is on the house!
Speaking of Stars, Star Brad (that is, Brad Star) happens to be stripping at the club the three visit next. Savanna is decked out in loads of flashy jewelry and looks fabulous.
By this point, you may be wondering if there is any sex in this movie. So am I! Oh, wait, here it comes: Ray Star is showing a bisexual streak and appears to be intrigued by Brad Star. They make smoldering eye contact across the crowded room. Savanna does not look pleased when Ray leaves to have a private dance with Brad in a leopard-skin-wallpapered room. Brad is looking mighty hot, and Ray makes Brad stick out his bare ass and dance for him while Ray sips champagne.
I have to admit, I was not eagerly anticipating watching Savanna Samson in this movie. I generally find women in a gay porn film (for some odd reason) to be less than a turn-on. However, Savanna won me over. She's one of those presences you can't take your eyes off when she's on screen—and that's saying a lot considering this cast.
But back to Star and Star. After a failed attempt by Savanna to break into the room where Brad is dirty-dancing for Ray, Ray proceeds to savor every bit of Brad—who is now completely naked—with his tongue, from ass to balls to cock and back. When the two hotties make out we get a close-up of Brad's stringy jawline beard, which is very hot. Soon after that we get a shot of Ray's massive cock, which Brad sucks like he's suffocating and there's oxygen in Ray's balls (for lack of a better expression). Ray has one of the nicer dicks in the film—maybe the nicest.
Ray soon leans Brad back and sucks his own sizeable cock. Brad had been working out more lately, it appears, and the sometimes-beefy Star's abs look as ripped as I've seen them. Eventually Brad sits on Ray's big dick for some ridin', which he seems to enjoy greatly. Brad eventually cums by lying back and letting Ray lick his cock, and Brad's cum shoots out while Ray's tongue is still on it. Ray is a little greedy and tries to suck down the rest of the load, but we get to see a couple more pumps. Then Ray goes over to jerk his load directly into Brad's mouth, which he swallows. Hot!
Back to Michael Lucas and Savanna Samson: the pair are walking arm-in-arm through Central Park talking about their lives, and Michael has a line that may give some insight into his worldview: "My life is normal. I'm just surrounded by madness." Savanna adds, "You seem intriguing... deep... intelligent... sad. There's a hint of sadness in your eyes." "Observant."
Could Michael Lucas really be sad? I doubt it! Anyway, what cums next is a surprise: an Audrey Hepburn-like moment in a fountain in the park in which Savanna and Michael splash around then kiss passionately (one can only imagine how many germs are in that water, but never mind.)
Now we're at a literary party, where Michael is trying to introduce his boyfriend Cole Ryan to literary contacts. "Why do they all look like unhappy rabbits?" Cole asks. I don't know, Cole, maybe you've fallen down a gay porn rabbit hole. Spencer Quest leads Cole off to show him around, and Cole is soon gabbing with known big-dick Chad Hunt.
As the camera pans the room, one can't help but notice that the literary lions of New York are all chiselled, tanned men between 25 and 40. I want to be a writer, too!
Finally some sex happens, when Spencer Quest leads young Jamie Donovan to a luxurious walk-in closet stocked with designer duds. They make out passionately among the Armani, the Dolce, and the Gabbana. Spencer sucks Jamie's fattie, then Jamie does the same for Spence, before Spence bends Jamie over and eats his ass. At this point, Michael Lucas catches them in the act, kind of like he caught Jack Bond and Wilson Vasquez in an earlier scene. Recurring theme, voyeurism? Seeing what you're not supposed to see? Perhaps. But I'm a gay porn reviewer, not a psychologist!
Spencer quietly sticks his dick into Jamie so as not to create a commotion and call the attention of the other party guests. A wise move.
Meanwhile, Cole Ryan is making more contacts than he would have thought—with Chad Hunt's penis. Chad refers to Michael as "a washed up writer, he only wrote one good book. You're wasting your time with him." "You think so?" "Yeah, I do." This must be where Michael's hint of sadness comes from—bitchy queens talking about him behind his back! Unfortunately, Michael was not spying on this scene so he will never know.
Cole pulls Chad Hunt's enormous dick out of pants and gets to work. For people who have been living under a gay porn rock for years and don't know, Chad has probably the biggest dick in gay porn today. Chad and Cole spend time making out passionately between Cole slurping on Chad's dick. Then Cole's comes out, as rock hard as that of any young dude. Chad soon gets around to beating Cole's hole with his dick, then fucking him, which Cole, surprisingly, has not too much trouble taking. Favorite moment: Cole sitting on Chad's cock jerking himself while Chad fucks from beneath.
The pair try some different positions, including Cole on his back while Chad sucks his toes ("shrimping"), which Michael Lucas previous engaged in with Derrick Hanson, if I didn't mention it. Cole's cum scene is probably my favorite in the movie—with Chad Hunt's dick in him he can barely contain himself, and shoots loads.
Back at the offices of Touché magazine, where Michael is writing up his Savanna Samson article, breaking news! Spencer Quest (his character, I mean) has been arrested for sex with a minor! Editor-in-Chief Tom Judson (formerly known as porn star Gus Mattox) orders Michael on the story, even though the last thing Michael wants is to "rat on his friend." But Tom is relentless: "Make this into a morality tale for our times." (Turns out, Spencer's underage companion was not Jamie Donovan from the party, who is nineteen; the statutory rape occurred off screen.)
"Success or failure," Spencer sums up as the police come for him, "it's... our choice." The stress of the story drives Michael Lucas to drink—but only one shot. Then he hits the streets in search of shady sex. He finds it at a sex club, where he is closely followed by Pete Ross. Naked male blodies slither and writhe. Much hotter guys than you normally see in sex clubs are present (not that I'd know). Finally Michael makes his way to the downstairs, an almost-dark cavern where ghostly bodies jerk and grope. It's all so sordid, how did Michael Lucas come to be here, in his $3000 suit? We saw the sophisticated side of New York, now we're seeing its underbelly. Minority men with gold chains suck the dicks of Brooklyn jocks.
Handsome young Justin Christoper is getting his dick sucked by a daddy-type, when Michael approaches and begins making out with him. The daddy disappears, and Justin sucks Michael. I am kind of worried what kinds of things might stain Michael's blazer in this environment, but never mind. He can afford another one. Soon Michael and Justin find a place to 69, and we notice that Justin has quite a big dick. During all this time, Pete Ross has been on Michael Lucas' trail, and finds hiim just after Michael has stuck his dick into an ecstatic Justin and is pounding away. Justin can't contain himself and busts out a virtual Niagara Falls of cum as Michael thrusts away. Michael ends his turn by jerking off on the willing Justin.
Now for the fun part: Pete Ross wasn't there to have sex with Michael. He was there to take a cell-phone pic. He takes a shot of Michael with Justin in flagrante delicto and flees the club. Michael chases, but what can he really do? He's naked. Dressed now, Michael walks home to Cole around sunrise with defeat adhering to every well-stitched item of clothing he wears. His good friend Spencer Quest has just been arrested. He's been photo'd having public sex in a nasty sex club. His boyfriend has been fucked by Chad Hunt. It's all kind of a downer!
When Michael gets home the bed is made, and Cole has fled—to Chad Hunt's arms, I assume. There is only one thing left for Michael to do. Begin work on his second novel. Which he does. And I'm sure it's going to be great.
In summary, La Dolce Vita will make you miss New York, and long to return—even if you've never been there!
One final note: the score for La Dolce Vita is pretty great. It is not entirely techno/house like you hear in most porn movies. Certain scenes are scored with melancholy piano music that is very effective. Good job, composer!
Butt Wait, There's More! Each disc of La Dolce Vita has a bonus sex scene: Cole Ryan & Erik Grant (Part 1), and Chad Hunt and Rod Barry (Part 2). In addition, on the Director's Edition there's a hardcore watersports scene with Michael Lucas and Spencer Quest.
The scenes are without music so you can hear all the noises of good-old-fashioned-fucking. Cole sucks ripped Erik on a suede couch while other couples engage in sex acts nearby. But Erik quickly ends that in favor of sucking Cole. First Cole gets rabbit-fucked by Erik, vocally enjoying it (they almost break the couch they're on) and shouting, "I love you!" while his rock-hard boner bounces in the rhythm to Erik's fucking. Maybe I'm biased because I heart Cole Ryan, but I think this may be the best scene in the movie!
The next bonus scene stars Chad Hunt and Rod Barry, and takes place in the greenishly-lit underworld beneath the sex club. Chad gets into some of his trademarked dirty talk as Barry chokes and practically pukes (I mean really practically pukes) trying to suck Hunt's cock. It's a losing battle, but Barry makes a valiant effort. Soon Barry is sitting on Hunt's dick, and doesn't even pretend to try to stay hard, but the scene is still hot. They try a couple positions like Barry on his back, and when Barry finally cums it's explosive. "Motherfucker!" he shouts. Chad works his own dick to completion as Barry slaps his chest and periodically makes out with him. Definitely an "extra" with something extra!
Regarding the hardcore watersports scene between Michael Lucas and Spencer Quest: suffice to say, it's wet and it's wild. What more could you ask?
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